Damn

Well I knew it was coming but no matter what it still hurts like a bitch. I got the infamous "it's not you, it's me" and damn does that suck. I don't think I've ever been on the receiving end of that one so I never knew what it was like; come to think of it I have only been dumped a couple of times and even those were more that I just got the picture type situations. It's tough to sit there while she says she's sorry, her head is all messed up and that she's "an idiot" instead of the other way around. I know I've said those things before and usually mean it but being on the receiving end I just told her she's not an idiot and that it's ok all with a big stupid smile on my face when all I want to do is head let go of the smile and just go back inside my head and be alone.

It hurts no matter how long I've known it was coming; even though I've been saying since Alabama that it was coming. It would have been so much easier if I just could have known sooner, then I wouldn't have had to wait for two weeks expecting it but every once in a while getting that little bit of hope inside and a flutter in my stomach thinking that just maybe it's cool. I said maybe she's just really comfortable with me and is not worried about it all... what is she not worried about because she is so comfortable, not caring to see me? Yeah that makes since, oh well the achey heart will take any side possible other then the one where it breaks.

The worst thing about this one is that it really does hurt; I was straight up nervous when I was waiting, I guess just because I knew but I think also because there was still some hope in there too. But now she's releived and I'm just here not really able to do anything to feel better; I became a woman and ate a half a thing of sherbet but apparently that doesn't work. TV helps cause you don't think about it but tv sucks tonight, so I'm going to bed hopefully to sleep. I think it's time for that hiatus I told someone else about recently.